josievictory

Back at the starting line…. but the only difference between then and now is that I have learned to just take it day by day and NOT beat myself up.  I have been absent from the gym and healthy eatting for two months and oh yesssss.. the scale and my energy level felt every bit of it… I managed to gain back twenty pounds… but No pity party here… back on the grind and picking myself up…. the race is far from being over so I will put my best foot forward and keep on kicking.. thanks buddy for the love and support and giving my that cyber kickass speeches!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not been online since Monday.. and I have a good reason for that (For all my BS friends wondering where the heck was I)… Well, I had an accident at work on Monday.  We had just stained the concrete on Friday and and it started to Thunderstorm in our area and the guys could not finish the work.  Well, come Monday, I did not know that they had even started the job.. so there I was minding my business walking to another building and the ground was still wet from an early morning pour on Monday.. and yes… I feel face first.. and it happen in slow motion.. and to make things worst…. there were about five people out front (customers) who were trying to catch me as I was falling and I was trying to tell them (in slow motion it seemed) noooooooooooo stay there the ground is slick…

Good thing I got big ta-ta’s because that really cushioned my fall. and it looked like I was a strong competitor in a wet t-shirt contest.  and to make matters worst.. I did not just fall and stay there.. I slide on my breast for a good four feet before finally stopping.  My co-worker said it looked like one of those SLIP and SLIDES from when we were kids…..  I would have won hands down.. heheheheh… but I am okay.. I just bruised my ankle and knee really bad.. so needless to say.. Ihave not been working out and today is my first day back to work…. But I AM OKAY.. and i will continue to nurse myself—my knee, and my pride….. Have a great day.

I am fortunate to have a step-father since my real father has been absent most of my life. For many many many years, I hated him. (Yes a strong word, but that is the only word I could find to describe my feelings) Well, I have always been a “big” girl and he being a Marine would always find ways to make me feel so insecure about my weight….. Not so much in a mean way.. but just having low self esteem anyways… I felt that he was always trying to attack me. As an adult, he never really discussed my weight anymore and I guess he figured I would deal with it when I was ready.

He would never pay me compliments or say “Good Job” or Keep up the great work with any regards to my decision that I have made for my life. (most of those decisions were bad anyways) So it would always leave me wondering how my Step father truly feels about me. I had not seen my parents in 2.5 years because they live in Hawaii and he is always deployed. I can’t even remember the last time we said “I love you.” Even in phone conversation those words are hardly given by either party.. We know that we love each other; but its usually displayed through silence.

Well, today was different. I had sent my mother pics of my progress. She really wants me to get healthy. I am her oldest daughter and she wants to see me live a productive, fruitful and happy life (and she KNOWS all my weight struggles) She had shown my step dad my pictures…. and to my surprise my very unaffectionate stepdad called me at 8:03pm tonight called and the conversation went like this:

“Hey Josie.. I just wanted to say that I love you.. and I am so proud of you.. and I know that I don’t show it often but know that I am and always have been in your corner.” You look amazing and I AM PROUD OF YOU. ” He had me at I love you and I have been floating on cloud nine since then. Having him say those words mean more to me because i felt like I was Daddy’s lil girl.. and that is a feeling that I have NEVER felt in the past 17 years of me knowing him. A sense of belonging.. and with the path of life that I have been on.. a sense of belonging… truly touches my heart.

Ohhhhhh…. I have been sick since Wednesday.. and I have not been to the gym since Friday AM…. and I am miserable…. I feel so unproductive and a slouch… I have laid in the bed all weekend wanting to do nothing but sleep and eat…. ohhh the destruction to my body…… I just want to get better so I can get my tail back in the gym and stop wanting “COMFORT” foods….. I HATE BEING SICK… and of course I am still sick today…. I wont go to the gym.. afraid of dehydrating and making things worst….. Say a prayer for me….

I never…. never…. never.. ever… take full body pictures.  I was always too ashamed of my enormous body.. but I have finally accepted what I look like and my desire to change those looks.  I have posted some before pics when I was at my heaviest and some current pics.  There is really not much difference except my 2nd stomach is coming in a bit.  

A journey begins
a long road ahead
sometimes the load gets heavy
sometimes i rather give up instead

as I walk, Isolation creeps upon me
feeling every bit of doubt and self pity
How will i over come this hurdle
its getting to much to bear
but then i realize you are right there

Incredible you, with your own story to tell
as you encourage me to constantly– do well
you understand my pain
and my desire to change

You offer me support as we walk down this road
erasing all the sterotypes that have ever been told
I want you to know that all my feelings are true
and I am blessed to have a friend such as incredible as you!!!!

As I reflect on my journey of weighloss… and since I have long way to go.. sometimes the road does get rough.. but thanks to my wonderful FRIENDS (Toni, Pamela, Crystal, Dena, Angela, Stacey, GIGI) I know longer feel alone.  I know that I can do this, I know I have support, I know that when I dont want too…. you guys give me a cyber whipping… and Iknow what I have to do.  I love that I am on this journey with each of you!!!! God Bless all you incredible YOUS

Josie

I love chicken–especially KFC.. and when I go to my grandparents they are usually supportive with my weight loss efforts.. however, they knew I was coming over and believe me.. I had every effort to SABATOGE my efforts.. so my options were to sit down with the fam and talk over mash pot with gravey, butter layden biscuits, greasy fried chicken and mac and cheese–oh dont forget the baked beans… ORRRRRRRRR get online.. run to my buddies and reach out for SUPPORT>. I chose the 2nd… as I write each word, the smell of this food is lingering in my head and I can taste it in my mouth.. but I know that I am stronger than a meal of 1400 cals and over 100grams of fat…  and then I think of each of you.  How great your support has been.. how your encouragement has helped me to lose 20 pounds of fat… and the taste and desire is gone…. I am one my way to subways… and get me a sweet chicken teriyaki sub… and then head to the gym… Thanks for being there guys!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.. I am tooting my horn… the pounds may not be falling off as quickly as I would like; however… I went shopping at Lane Bryants yesterday for jewelry.. and I was like what the hell.. let me try on a size 24.. and my jeans zipped…and I think I have a little tush starting to form.. (LMAO) oh I am encouraged from a size 32 to a 24…. OH YEAH bringing sexy back….. I only bought one pair because I figure a size 22 is right around the corner….

have you ever had a day where you could not help to smile and be “happy” and cheerful all day….. well that is my day today.. Not really a morning person and I hate going to work… but today.. everything seemed different… I found myself up extra early, at work on time, even put on a little make up….There have been acouple of things that went wrong today.. but yet… the day could not have been any more perfect.  I truly fill like a conqueror today…. Bring it on…. So what if I still got 200 pounds to lose.. I am hope ful…. I am surround by positivity.. and far from discouraged.. I jsut wanted to share my happy day with you guys…  I think the physicall changes I can see in myself are truly affecting the mental changes in me… I fill Free… and more accepting…… SMILE….

Here in the bayous and country of Ponchatoula, LA, we burn trash… and tonight… I am burning all size 32 clothes, all size 30 clothes, and all size 28 clothes.  I do not want them back in my closet.  Now that I am a 26  I am feeling a little more sexier...I am headed to walmart to findme some in expensive jeans–I dont want to spend too much because it wont be long to toss those 26 in exchange for a 24…… WHOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOO…. BURN BABY BURN