josievictory

I have not been online since Monday.. and I have a good reason for that (For all my BS friends wondering where the heck was I)… Well, I had an accident at work on Monday.  We had just stained the concrete on Friday and and it started to Thunderstorm in our area and the guys could not finish the work.  Well, come Monday, I did not know that they had even started the job.. so there I was minding my business walking to another building and the ground was still wet from an early morning pour on Monday.. and yes… I feel face first.. and it happen in slow motion.. and to make things worst…. there were about five people out front (customers) who were trying to catch me as I was falling and I was trying to tell them (in slow motion it seemed) noooooooooooo stay there the ground is slick…

Good thing I got big ta-ta’s because that really cushioned my fall. and it looked like I was a strong competitor in a wet t-shirt contest.  and to make matters worst.. I did not just fall and stay there.. I slide on my breast for a good four feet before finally stopping.  My co-worker said it looked like one of those SLIP and SLIDES from when we were kids…..  I would have won hands down.. heheheheh… but I am okay.. I just bruised my ankle and knee really bad.. so needless to say.. Ihave not been working out and today is my first day back to work…. But I AM OKAY.. and i will continue to nurse myself—my knee, and my pride….. Have a great day.

I am fortunate to have a step-father since my real father has been absent most of my life. For many many many years, I hated him. (Yes a strong word, but that is the only word I could find to describe my feelings) Well, I have always been a “big” girl and he being a Marine would always find ways to make me feel so insecure about my weight….. Not so much in a mean way.. but just having low self esteem anyways… I felt that he was always trying to attack me. As an adult, he never really discussed my weight anymore and I guess he figured I would deal with it when I was ready.

He would never pay me compliments or say “Good Job” or Keep up the great work with any regards to my decision that I have made for my life. (most of those decisions were bad anyways) So it would always leave me wondering how my Step father truly feels about me. I had not seen my parents in 2.5 years because they live in Hawaii and he is always deployed. I can’t even remember the last time we said “I love you.” Even in phone conversation those words are hardly given by either party.. We know that we love each other; but its usually displayed through silence.

Well, today was different. I had sent my mother pics of my progress. She really wants me to get healthy. I am her oldest daughter and she wants to see me live a productive, fruitful and happy life (and she KNOWS all my weight struggles) She had shown my step dad my pictures…. and to my surprise my very unaffectionate stepdad called me at 8:03pm tonight called and the conversation went like this:

“Hey Josie.. I just wanted to say that I love you.. and I am so proud of you.. and I know that I don’t show it often but know that I am and always have been in your corner.” You look amazing and I AM PROUD OF YOU. ” He had me at I love you and I have been floating on cloud nine since then. Having him say those words mean more to me because i felt like I was Daddy’s lil girl.. and that is a feeling that I have NEVER felt in the past 17 years of me knowing him. A sense of belonging.. and with the path of life that I have been on.. a sense of belonging… truly touches my heart.

Ohhhhhh…. I have been sick since Wednesday.. and I have not been to the gym since Friday AM…. and I am miserable…. I feel so unproductive and a slouch… I have laid in the bed all weekend wanting to do nothing but sleep and eat…. ohhh the destruction to my body…… I just want to get better so I can get my tail back in the gym and stop wanting “COMFORT” foods….. I HATE BEING SICK… and of course I am still sick today…. I wont go to the gym.. afraid of dehydrating and making things worst….. Say a prayer for me….